Sunday, 15 February 2015

How to | Foncy jars

Recycling makes me nervous. I don't know about you, but the thought of the fate of the planet hanging on a thread does not fill me with the warm and fuzzies. And then you tell me the integrity of this thread depends on me doing the right thing with my old milk bottles? The pressure! Not to mention that the 'manky bin' (you know, the one in which you put your old teabags and potato peelings) is really, well, manky. It worked hard to earn its title and it just oozes with self importance whenever you approach it. Self importance and bin juice.

Sometimes *desperately cheerful kids TV presenter voice* recycling can be fun though! Like when you recycle glass and it makes a delightful tinkling noise. Or when you sing my special recycling song to this tune from about 35 seconds in. Orrr you can make foncy jars*! Hooray!

To make foncy jars, first you need to eat some lovely food. 

Lovely food that comes in jars includes:
- Jam
- Honey
- Olives
- Anchovies
- Capers
- Gherkins
- Coffee (although not all coffee jars come with aesthetically pleasing curves and / or edges)
- CUBES OF CHEESE IN OIL FROM LIDL. Oh those Europeans and their delicious, delicious innovations.

Less good food that comes in jars that you might like because you're strange:
- Marmalade
- Those strange pickled mussel things.

Next, you need to get the labels off the jars. Luckily, there is a magic/ legume-based way to do this! First of all, peel as much of the label off as your fingers will allow. Then give the jars a wee massage with a big handful of peanut butter. When you apply a little gentle persuasion with a scratchy sponge, the gross sticky-label glue will just slide right off. You are welcome.

Now you have naked foncy jars, and all you have to do is get them dressed. 

I used buttons, jutey stuff and fancy flower things from Poundland, a permanent marker, some glass paints and my glue gun (!!) which came into my life via some John Lewis vouchers and has subsequently occupied a dear place in my heart. 

Really the whole point of foncy jars is that you do you in jar form. More permanent and also more portable than interpretative dance.

Useful things to remember include:
- You'll need some white spirit to clean your brushes if you're using glass paint
- If your permanent marker lines are upsetting you, they come off glass with a cotton wool bud and nail polish remover. If you don't have that equipment about, you could use a tampon dipped in vodka? Or, I dunno a beard on a stick and the blood of your enemies if you're super macho. *Diverse*. Might make the glass a bit smeary though.
- You will need some sort of special glue to stick stuff to your jars. Pritt stick just won't cut it. Sad face. 

And here are my foncy jars! They are being vases and catnip jars for Kitten and stationary pots and tealight holders. Tell your jar it can be whatever it wants to be. Within reason. A jar pilot would definitely be a safety hazard and bad for crew morale. 

Go forth and foncify!

*Technically, this is reusing rather than recycling. BUT that means you're one jump up on the waste hierarchy! Go you! 

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